Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it was a valuable plant.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
One good turn gets most of the blankets.
There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
Life is sexually transmitted.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull terrier.
Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
I can see clearly now, the brain is gone.
I used up all my sick days, so I’m calling in dead.
Mental floss prevents moral decay.
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
It’s not hard to meet expenses, they’re everywhere.
Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
“As long as we have memories, yesterday remains. As long as we have hope, tomorrow awaits. As long as we have friendship, each day is never a waste.”